There are certain people in my life that I have never met that have very special places in my heart. One of men is David Bazan. My junior year in highschool I went to a little sleepover camp out at my friend Matt Graham’s house in Momeyer, NC. There are 2 things I remember very well about that night; 1.) Putting on a fireman’s suit and rolling through the bonfire, and 2.) Listening to “Winners Never Quit” by Pedro the Lion. To listen is to love. From that moment on I listened to everything I could by Pedro the Lion whose front man was David Bazan. In those early years he was on Jade Tree records (which in itself holds another very special part of my heart). David’s lyrics have always been brutally honest, and his music insanely simple. It was not about the simplicity of the music, but how perfect the music went with the way he sang it. Each song is beautifully written and his voice is one that can never be mistaken. David’s lyrics challenged me in my Christian walk more than any other band at the time. His honesty made me question so many things that I knew about the Lord. It seemed like he was having the same struggles as so many people, but unlike so many he was willing to talk about it. He would say things that surprised me for example:
“You were too busy steering the conversation toward the Lord, to hear the voice of the Spirit begging you to shut the F up, you thought it must be the Devil trying to make me go astray; besides it could not have been the Lord because you don’t believe He talks that way…”
But you could always tell he was really struggling with his faith.
“I can’t say it like I sing it, and I can’t sing it like I think it, and I can’t think it like I feel it, and I don’t feel a thing.”
And
“Who shall I blame for this sweet and heavy trouble, for every stupid struggle I don’t know, I could buy you a drink, I could tell you all about it. I could tell you why I doubt it, and why I still believe it, and why I need it, and what the Pharisees don’t see.”
You could always tell though that He was holding on. Today however, I heard his new album entitled “Curse Your Branches.” I heard this album while driving to the beach and it honestly broke my heart. I think David has finally walked away from the Lord. Throughout the whole album his blatantly bitter lyrics toward the Lord ring out with passion. He questions God as to whether he “”pushed man when man fell.” Claiming that since God knew what was going to happen, and he made us anyway didn’t he just create us to be fallen creatures? The whole album is just track after track of surprising lyrics until in my opinion the climax of the album. The last verse of the entire album ends with,
“I might as well admit it, like I even have a choice. The crewmen killed the Captain but they still can hear His voice. The shadow on the water, a whisper in the wind on long walks with my daughter who is lately full of questions about You. When Job asked You the question You responded with ‘who are you to challenge the creator’ well if that one part is true, it makes you sound defensive like you had not thought it through enough to have an answer or you might have bitten off more than you could chew.”
I feel so down about this whole thing. I love sad songs, (and waltzes) but when they are about love and love lost it is a completely different feeling. To hear David, someone I care about, speak of walking away from the Lord, someOne I REALLY care about, it is the saddest thing that I have felt in a while. Hopefully He is just going through a time in his life when he’s down and out. The good news is that “He who began a good work in us will carry it out until the day of redemption.” I just hope that season for David comes soon, and that he writes and album about it. I hope one song talks about how new life can spring from dry brittle branches. Any thoughts?
Ps. If you love simple musical composure you should still check the album out, just be prepared to be sad when it’s said and done.
